Moving on or at least knowing you need to.....

So much has happened since I last updated.

We found out a couple of weeks ago that our contact with our wedding venue was no longer working there. I had a slight panic as we just obtained the funds to hold it. After a few conversations and reassurance from the friend that helped us even get our spot at the venue, I realized it will all work out the way it should and we have set up the appointment to put the money down and have since touched bases with the new contact.


I thought I was all in the clear but my Dad called me yesterday and told me some news that could hinder him from making the trip out here for the wedding which in turn would mean that it would HAVE to be pushed to another date. I can't imagine this day with my Daddy, no way, no how. This man raised me, this man showed me what I need in a man and more importantly what a man should be like. Since yesterday everything about his situation has turned for the best and we can move on accordingly.

It just shows when you think positive things really do turn out a lot better than if you were to freak out or even just think negatively about the situation. I really am trying to manifest things for myself and for my family. What I give out is what I receive.

Last but not least I have a job interview with a Chiropractor for the position of an Office Manager. A friend of mine told me he was in need and highly recommended me (which was flattering) to him. We meet tomorrow at 11am and I am nervous but very excited and have been day dreaming about running a Office all on my own but I can't get ahead of myself! ;)

The fact of the matter is that I have climbed as high as I could with my current employer and in all honesty my education is making me want more and if there is no where else for me to go,  no one is going to look for me.

So much goes on each day it's almost hard to keep up but this time next year I will have accomplished so much and my "work" load with be so much lighter.

It will all be worth it in the end....must keep my eye on all these prizes!

Errrrrrrrr

I have been patiently waiting for my funds to be released from school so we can make our down payment for your wedding venue.

I have been so patient and finally they will be released within the next week! This is the part that I have been waititng for.

I feel like it will make it more real, I guess?

I recevied my P90X in the mail today...... I am so nervous but I know it I keep my eye on the prize I can accomplish ANYTHING!!!!!!

I have been slacking on this but will try to get some typing in soon :)

so yea.....

Oh wow....so, DJ went out of town this morning and I really couldn't have been happier.

Trust me it's nothing horrible, I just needed some space and what better timing than right now. Donisha (his Sister) is graduating from Sacramento State tomorrow morning. I am pretty bummed that Mahaila and I couldn't go but with the wedding coming up it was the best decision as far as finances go. It's hard to miss out on important dates with family members but it is what is this point.

Do you ever feel like you just need some space? Do you ever just want tell your spouse/boyfriend that you really don't love/like them right now? Listen, if you have never felt that way please tell me your secret cause I would love to know it.

I love this man with all my heart and soul but sometimes.....sometimes he just gets under my skin and part of it is me. I say it is me because I need to come to a place where I can not get so upset and communicate better when I am frustrated but not in a nag way either. UGH! I can't wait to find that balance someday.....and someday I will have that balance and I am truly on the journey to find the balance!

I don't like to complain but it's just seems like it is really worse before it is better.

On another note, I would like to point out that this blog is simply for me to express myself. I would never want someone to judge me or DJ for the things I put on here. We all have our problems and I hope to report something better next time around....I just don't this time....again.....ahahahahahha! At least I can laugh at myself right?

not enough time....

Tonight was so frustrating for me! DJ is currently working 2:30pm-11pm, with Thursdays and Sundays off.

I seemed to be overwhelmed tonight and I snapped at him when he called me to say hi. I know what a "bitch" huh? Well, I have a lot going on while he isn't here and though I should not have taken it out on him I did. I did apologize for being mean but at least I know why I snapped. How annoying is it that someone calls you all chipper and your overwhelmed with the duties you have on your plate at that very moment. Well maybe it's not annoying to everyone but it bugs the shit out of me! ha!

Just this little bit of typing and VENTING has already made me feel better.

It's just one of those days......

Growing.....

Today was my second therapy session by myself.

I always knew that I wanted to speak with a psychologist or preacher prior to getting married but I never took the step because I was unsure of who exactly I needed to speak to.

Sharon had people over for dinner one night because Adam was in out of town from Texas and I ended up meeting Rae. I soon found out she was a spiritual psychologist and of course I was automatically drawn to her. We exchanged numbers and she had offered to help DJ and I. One thing she made very clear was that she could not solve any of mine or both our problems but she could help lead the way. I respected that statement and I talked to DJ about it.

One day I left her number for him because I had spoke to Rae and she had suggested we do a couple of sessions alone so I figured he should take the step to set up his own appointment.

I thought he was going to let me know when he was going to make the call but to my surprise he started seeing her before me! He took the step before me and I was the one who was talking and not walking and I am sure you know what I mean by that.

Obviously I realized not only does this man love me but he loves HIMSELF! It was so wonderful to know that he made the effort for US.

My first session with Ray was amazing. I felt like I was floating in the air when I finished my 4 hour session. To release all the feelings I had inside was the most wonderful and you can't forget beautiful thing that I have ever been through. Another wonderful feeling is to talk to someone that has no judgment on my thoughts or the things that have happened to me. It is one of the most freeing things I have been through and will continue to go through.

Today we focused on how I can change my overall feeling about myself and the things that I need to do to get to where I was to be. Don't get me wrong on this though, I know what I am doing in my life I just want to be the best person I can possibly be for everyone in my presence and most of all I HAVE to be my best for my child and future children. We must make the most of this thing we called life, right?


I felt the same way after I left my second session and I told Rae that I wished I could talk to her everyday, she is an amazing woman and has been on one hell of a journey herself. I have already begun to build up a soft spot for her in such a short amount of time due to her kindness and knowledge, I guess you could say that I love to be "schooled" on things by someone that has been through much more than me.

Life is what we make it. Every thought, every action is who we are and I am very excited for my next session. The next 8 months are going to be amazing!

Lovvvve this!

I am currently looking for my center pieces that will on the tables at the wedding.

Sharon found an amazing website with the most amazing ideas for what I hope will be eye catching and add enough detail that I don't have to worry about not decking the venue out. We have money for this wedding but trust me, we are still on budget.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I hope I can pull it off!!!

Is it really this easy

The title speaks for itself. Is writing a blog really this easy? Will anyone even read this? 

I have played around with this idea in my head for sometime now. I figured if I just started typing away I would somehow accomplish at least something for myself to release these feeling I have.

I recently turned 29 years old and have more on my plate more than I have ever had in my whole entire life but in the most wonderful way possible. Not only do I have all these things on my plate but also I have thoughts and theories on situations I go through while I plan what should be the most wonderful day in my life. 

DJ and I have been together for almost 7 years, you think this would be smooth sailing, right? Well that is what I thought, I was not prepared for this whirlwind of emotion that would come over me when it hit the 10th month countdown, I often wonder why it was the 10th month that sent me into this state of mind, I mean why didn't I feel this way when he asked me to marry him? In fact I was thrilled and excited, don't get me wrong, I am still VERY excited but part of feels that I really need to be the best woman for this man and that my friends is a huge responsibility. One that many people do not carry very well this day in age.


I will start with this for the time being but if you join me on this rollercoaster of laughter, life, and emotion, because I am full of emotion just ask those closest to me and if you happen to have a good time that is all I wanted in the first place.